My thighs have always been great friends. They love to touch and be close to one another. I guess you can say they've never separated. It is a blessing and a curse. Even when I am in the best of shape, my thighs manage to jiggle. Not only that, they tend to be very stubborn when it comes to jeans. They just don't like fitting in them. For the past 22 years of my life, these girls have given me nothing but insecurities and countless hours in the fitting room. Little did I know, one thing these two b.f.f.s gave me was super strength...
It was time to start working on getting back in shape. There I was one day roaming listlessly through the gym's weight room when I stumbled upon the leg press! "Leg press, huh," I thought to myself, "it has been a while since I've done one of these." I got myself situated on the seat and looked down at the weights. As I tested the weights to find the right resistance, I was suddenly surprised to find I was leg pressing 180lbs with ease. I thought to myself, "I just leg pressed my husband!" I finished my reps and got off the machine. I was empowered. My legs were strong! (Still flabby, but strong!!) What other peril-less acts could my thunderous thighs display? "I should go home and just kick the door in!" (If we weren't renting, of course) "I could go home and kick a hole through my husbands stomach!" (If I wasn't madly in love with him, of course) Where was my adventure?! Leg presses and lunges can't be all this power has to offer! Sooner than I knew it, my mission was about to roll in my path...
12am. I was just shutting down the computer and joining my husband in bed. He was sound asleep as evident from his loud breathing and faint snore. I stretched out beside him. Suddenly, my dead weight of a husband comes rolling right on top of me! He was still very, very asleep and at this moment he has started to rest his arm on my face. HAVE NO FEAR! CAPTAIN THUNDER THIGHS IS HERE!! Sure, I could have woken him up and told him to shove over, but what fun would that have made this blog? No, it was time! My strength was ready to be tested. My left thigh was nestled perfectly underneath him. I just needed to pick him up with my thigh and roll him over. Of course, I would need to be extra careful! Sometimes I don't know my own super strength. I wouldn't want to roll him right off the bed! I carefully calculated my next move! My knee started to bend! I got into position! Like a gazelle I--- DAMMIT!
He rolled back over before I could push him.
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