HIStory

***Still working on this***

One day I will tell my son that he was made from love. He was made from irrevocable, unequivocal love. Whether or not he understands, I need him to know that my world got brighter the day I met him. In the midst of all my love and joy for this precious gift, I need him to know what it means to love and what it means to be a good person. He didn't cry when he was born. I remember looking up and seeing his eyes open. He was alert and shell-shocked. The tears did come, of course. Now, when he does find a reason to cry, I think to myself, "cry now, baby boy! For one day the world will frown on your tears." It is my duty to make him tough so the world won't break him down. Give him thick skin. I chuckle to myself as I console this tiny part of me. My love, personified. Cry now, baby boy.

Throughout his lifetime he will seek acceptance. I want him to know that in this world of have and have-nots, the main person who should accept him is himself. He must love himself and the rest will follow. I want him to find beauty in places where people question its existence. He needs to learn that he will never find a woman's beauty between her thighs no matter how much he looks. I need him to know his family and where he comes from so he knows where he is going. I want him to see things in color rather than just black and white. I will teach him that his fingers, his mouth and his mind are all musical instruments that play to peoples emotions. He must learn to be careful of the tune he plays in order to avoid unearthing the wrong emotion. I want him to know self preservation, hard work and responsibility. I want him to know me. He needs to know I have good intentions.

I know there are things in this world that I can't control. I will not be able to control him as much as I might try. And, one day, we may find ourselves in a tug-o-war. I want different things for him than he wants for himself. I will plant my feet to the ground, throw my weight back and pull. When that day comes, I hope I can remind myself of what I feel when I look at him right now. Undeniable pride.